Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

I haven’t had time to write here for some time, largely because I’ve been mired in a series of projects both large and small which have taken over my brain as well as every minute of my spare time.  I’m slowly whittling my way through them, although some won’t be finished until much later in the year (which reminds me, I have a promotions meeting for Peter Pan at lunchtime today).  Last night, I finished a fairly major one – a photobook for my great aunt’s upcoming 80th birthday.  I’m pleased that the estimated delivery date is four days before the party, and sincerely hope that it is accurate.

This is something that I’ve been trying to find the time and energy to complete for several weeks.  There were a number of occasions, as I shut down my computer of an evening because I was just too damned tired to contemplate sitting there for two hours fixing exposures, cropping, repairing and organising, when I wished that I could just handball it to someone else… but that would be giving up, wouldn’t it?  I don’t give up unless there’s no choice in the matter.

But I finished it last night, and though I’ll probably always manage to find fault in it, it’s not bad.  I hope she’ll like it.  Insofar as a woman who is chronically camera shy can like nearly a hundred pages of photographs of herself from toddlerhood to septuagenarianism.  It’s uploaded and ordered, and now we wait.

I suppose my brain was just expressing relief at knocking off a big project with a tight deadline, but I had a very strange dream after finishing the book last night, which is the inspiration for this post.  I think it says far too much about my psyche.

I was in a massive theatre, but with pews like a church instead of seats, and I think that every person I’d ever met in my life was in the audience.  There were familiar faces as far as the eye could see.  Up on the stage, two of my friends were getting married, which I found rather strange because they’re actually approaching their fourth anniversary.


I went up to the foot of the stage and found some friends.  “Do you need my help with anything?” I asked.  No, no, we’re all fine here, came the response.


My now-married-again friends left the stage, and a production of Wicked started.  I contemplated telling someone about how my defining role was as Elphaba and that I’d been absolutely amazing, but figured that it was kind of arrogant and refrained, even though it was one of the proudest occasions of my life.  I couldn’t remember who had played my Fiyero, though, and it bothered me.


I saw an old friend from many moons ago and went to say hello, asking after her little daughter who was born last December.  She glared at me and walked away, and I was hurt.


Then I went to a sort of outside-but-in-the-wings area, where I found several work colleagues.  “Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked them.  Again, the same response, no, all taken care of.  Disheartened, I went back inside to the audience, and found an empty pew.  I perched myself on it, feet up on the seat, and figured that if nobody needed me then I may as well watch the performance, although it definitely wasn’t as good as mine by any stretch.  Sitting there, I suddenly remembered that I did still have an important project to work on…

…and then, like shattering glass, the dream was gone as the sultry sounds of Bamm-Bamm calling, “Mummy!  Mummy!” penetrated my unconsciousness and brought me back to reality.

My personal interpretation of this dream is that I have a pathological need to be needed and useful.  This may not be entirely healthy, but that’s my best guess, given that I finished a major project just hours before dreaming the dream, and the overriding theme of the dream was me wanting to help people and nobody needing my help.

Verdict: I am a loony.

But I do still have plenty to do, what with helping with the school production and writing a Term 2 Year 7 workbook and my endless knitting projects and I promised But Why that I’d paint him some jumpers for winter and so on and so forth.  Silly old brain.


Read Full Post »